he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize