I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
