I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize