After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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