mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
