so explain again why im purple
no
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
