Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize