Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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