he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
