i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
