I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
