I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
