Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize