so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize