your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize