Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
