my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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