I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
