does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
