Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
