I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
