During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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