waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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