I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize