my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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