Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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