your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize