he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
