i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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