I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
