one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
not ubering you a puppy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
