You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
