I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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