i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize