He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize