i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
worst night to have a conscience
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
