dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
