I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
