my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I smell like Dick and happiness
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
