So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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