Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he puts the penis in happiness.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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