I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
