who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
