I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
