I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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