Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
