She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
