Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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