Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
