Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
