He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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