I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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