home. puking in laundry basket.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
