I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
