I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
