of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
