I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize