my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
