Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
