No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize