we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
