i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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