We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
