i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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