I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
