your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
