I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
