i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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