My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
