Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
