I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize