Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
