Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize