I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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