speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
