Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
